Poor Samuel got his first stomach bug. He started vomiting on Saturday evening about every 15 minutes for 5 hours. I had to go to work that night, so luckily my mother was able to handle the majority of the sickness.
Sam just wasn't himself for a couple of days. In fact, I kept him home from daycare until yesterday. I hate seeing my baby sick, but I sure enjoyed all the cuddles.
Unfortunately, the bug was passed to my mom, dad, and I. Fortunately, Jackson never did. Must be that rockin' immune system from all the sickness he experienced last year...
This is one of those blog posts that in 15 years Samuel will hate me for posting, but I have just got to do it. I mean, it was so new and note-worthy in my parental experience...
So Samuel woke up this morning around 5:00 SCREAMING. I could tell it was an "ouch, I'm in pain" scream. He would not nurse and could not get comfortable. AND he had not pooped in 6 days. Don't get me wrong...I caught him trying on several occasions, but all he could manage to squeeze out was a little ball with the consistency of clay. The poor guy was constipated. I knew this two nights ago...when I started giving him prunes in hopes that would help move things along.
But it didn't help. So off the boys and I went to Walgreens to buy...duh duh duh...Pedia-Lax, a glycerin SUPPOSITORY. I felt so sorry for Samuel. But within 3 minutes, he was able to poop. And by poop I mean explode. And he has pooped every day since. Pedia-Lax. Good stuff. Works quickly. Hope I NEVER have to use it again. I'm pretty sure Samuel feels the same way.
Here he is waiting for the glycerin to kick in...
And after it was all over, he took a nice long two hour nap.
Just when Jackson wakes up feeling better (by feeling better I mean only throwing up once, eating three bananas and some animal crackers, not taking any extra naps, and having a solid poop...never thought I'd be so excited about a solid poop)...
...Samuel wakes up sick. A couple bouts of diarrhea, a fever ranging from 100.5 - 101.4, not wanting to nurse...
This was my breaking point. I broke down in tears. I felt defeated. I felt worried and scared for my babies. I wondered how I was going to take care of TWO sick little ones at the same time. AND I had to go to church (I have a church job). I had to leave my two sick babies at home with my mother and sister. When I got to church, my alto section forgot to show up. I wasn't expecting that. I had no back up plan. Luckily, we were able to recruit someone to sing a solo instead. Again, I felt like a complete failure. And I was in tears. When I got home, Jackson threw up on me. And I was in tears. Then it was naptime. I wanted to sleep, but Samuel didn't want me to sleep. So I watched the basketball games. VCU defeated Kansas. I felt a little better. Then Kentucky took out North Carolina. I felt a lot better (unless UConn wins the entire thing, I am the winner of our pool). Then Jackson woke up and he felt better. And I felt better. Samuel never did feel better, but at the appearance of the aforementioned solid poop I felt like I had a grasp back on my life and could handle this.
I am so grateful to my mom, sister and Noel for their help over the past five days. I absolutely could not have done it without them. My mom got covered in vomit on more than one occasion. Holly comforted and entertained one child while I fed/cleaned up/changed/nurtured the other (thank goodness Samuel likes Army Wives and Jackson is content with Thomas on the iPhone Netflix).
I have done more laundry, cleaned up more puke and poop, and changed more sheets than I care to ever do again. I have learned to know when vomit is coming a good 5 seconds before it arrives, and can catch it in a towel with 95% accuracy. If you ask me, this is the rotavirus rearing it's ugly head. And it's ugly.
Now let's get Samuel well and get on with our lives!
Poor little guy. He's still sick. He's eating a little. And his fever is gone. But he still throws up if he drinks his Pedialyte too quickly, has diarrhea, and is not his happy playing self. We have watched Cars no less than 8 times. Rest is his friend.
I love the snuggles, but I can't wait until he is better!
I am beginning to think that I may never have two boys who are healthy at the same time! If it's not (or snot) one, it's the other. And this time it's Jackson.
Miss Brandy called me yesterday about 3:30 to tell me that Jackson had thrown up. And so I went to get him *hoping* it was just a one off. It wasn't. He threw up in the driveway, in the car, at home, upstairs, downstairs, on me, on Nana... poor little guy. And then he started running a fever. He was so thirsty, but we couldn't give him a juice cup because he couldn't keep anything down. So we started giving him 1 Tablespoon of Pedialyte every 10 minutes. Eventually he went to sleep. He woke up twice for juice and a diaper change, and kept saying "owie" in his sleep so I knew he wasn't feeling well. He threw up once more this morning, but hasn't thrown up since. Just fever and lethargic and sleepy. We have had a very snugly 24 hours.
Jackson has enjoyed his first experience with Lollipops or "pops" as he calls them during this illness. Lollipops makes everything better.
Through it all, Samuel has been very easy going, patient and happy. He slept from 9 to 5:30 last night and then went down again until 9:30. He took three naps during the day, and hardly complained. I think he might be the best baby ever!
I am very thankful for my mom who helped out this morning while I went to take my Praxis I Exam. After only 4 hours of dodgy sleep, I wasn't sure how I'd do. But I finished 2 hours early (I don't check answers - my gut instinct usually works for me - and I didn't take my break), and I passed both the reading and math sections. I hear about the writing section in two weeks. The afternoon was lazy...I think we must have watched Cars 4 times today.
Both boys have been in bed since 8:30 and, even though I should be in bed myself, I am enjoying the Butler game before evoking the sandman. Go Dawgs!
I just hate it when my babies are sick. I do enjoy the snuggles though. Here's hoping that tomorrow shows continued improvement.
Happy 3 Month Birthday to my beautiful boy, Samuel Wrye! I love these month stickers. I know they are the "in thing" right now and I can definitely see why!
Well, the fourth trimester is officially over. And right on cue, Samuel knows he has hands and likes to stare at them, put them in his mouth, and swat at toys.
Unfortunately, the 3 month celebrations were a bit overshadowed by Samuel's recent illness. On Sunday he developed a fever and lost his appetite. We headed over to the Urgent Care where he had a chest x-ray. It came back clear. It appears Samuel just has a good ol' case of the flu. Poor little thing...watery eyes, goopy eyes, runny nose, sneezes and coughs, and he just isn't himself. After a LONG Sunday night of refusing to nurse (it was long because I was in PAIN and was pumping up a storm...he slept), he began to nurse again on Monday morning. He still isn't back to his norm - only eating on one side every two hours or so (through the night as well so our long stretches have temporarily ceased) - and it takes a good ten minutes of crying before he decides he is actually ready to get down to business. Our super efficient feedings have become marathon battles, and our 8 hour stretches of sleep have reverted back to the newborn days. His fever is gone and he looks better today than yesterday. I hope this rate of improvement continues.
So, Samuel, we'll celebrate later, Roo. I love you so much and am glad that you are here! I love your smiles and your little voice. You already make me laugh daily, and I enjoy watching your personality develop. You are our little blessing!
Well, here I was hoping to deliver a positive inspiring blog post completely contradicting last post's whinge with news of how great our family was feeling... and I can't do it. I have thought of other numerous blog topics... How to really HELP a Pregnant Woman What No One Will Tell You About Pregnancy What No One Will Tell You About Raising A Child
But I think I'll save those for a slow week. For now, I think there is no way to do this post than to start with the present and work back to when I left you last. So here goes...
Today, November 23, 2010 I am officially 36 weeks pregnant. Here is what I look like. Huge. Gigormous. Like I will be birthing Shamoo. Whenever he decides to put me out of my pregnant misery. Oh don't worry... I realize this is all an illusion. At the end of pregnancy, all you want is the baby to come out. When the baby starts waking you up every two hours and crying for no particular reason around the time you wish to eat dinner, all you want is him back in. At least for a few hours. I am in the get him out stage.
I am so convinced that Inside Baby has dropped. After all, I can't walk two feet without feeling the potty urge. He feels like he might fall out constantly. And I can breath. Easily. With extremities no longer trying to rip apart my ribcage. I even dream last night that I am in labor and this baby is coming Friday instead of indulging in my Mother's fantastic Thanksgiving feast. So I wake up this morning with a sore throat, gunk in my eye, Braxton Hicks contractions, and incredibly nauseous to an Outside Baby who is STILL sick (throwing up all over me before 8:30am, diarrhea, so much snot on his face I have trouble finding his face...), but still incredibly optimistic that this morning's doctor's appointment will end with news like "you're 3 cm dilated and the baby is in the birth canal...let's do this". So I clean off myself and my sick child, throw in a load of wash, and pack us up in the van to head off to see the magnificent Dr Howell. After an hour and 15 minutes of waiting, we finally see the doc. I tell him my symptoms and hop on the table. "Nope," he says. "You are dilated .5cm and the baby isn't far down enough." What?! The baby hasn't dropped far enough? You mean he still has to drop farther? If he drops any farther he will be birthed! Seriously! So I redress myself, repack up my sick child, and leave with an "I'll see you next week". Boo. Of course, I'd like my husband to be here for the arrival of our child...so I suppose next week will have to do. The next appointment is on the day he is due to arrive in Indianapolis so fingers crossed for some better progress then.
Tell Dada Hi, Jackson! (This is what Jackson looks like today - sick little guy).
***UPDATE*** I'm now on outfit number two...vomitous maximus. And I am tired. Having a sick toddler is tiring. Being 36 weeks pregnant with anemia is tiring. Double whammy. I didn't get big bucks. Stop.
***ANOTHER UPDATE*** I have decided to stop giving Jackson his antibiotic (which happens to be penicillin) in hopes that that will help stop his diarrhea which in turn will help his red raw butt. At the mention of the word "diaper" Jackson starts whimpering. Poor little guy.
Monday, November 22, 2010 No daycare today. Jackson has a temperature of 100.6 though he seems to be in good spirits. He plays for a couple of hours in the morning before sleeping for 4.5 hours and then plays for another 4 in the afternoon before passing out. His appetite is so-so. He seems to be liking cheerios. But the poor guy has diarrhea due to the antibiotic which in turn is giving him a nasty case of diaper rash. I miss work this morning, but Dad rearranges his schedule so I can work in the afternoon. Jackson and I spend a bit of early evening time taking self portraits - he seems to like this. See how happy he is?
No wait...he can get even happier... Surely a happy baby like this will be well enough to go to daycare tomorrow, right?
Oh yeh, and I get a phone call from the Doctor's office regarding the results from my bloodwork. I am anemic. And I don't even crave the crushed ice anymore! Not fair!
Sunday, November 21, 2010 I am meant to go to work today. But upon waking, Jackson is running a temp and just isn't right. I take him to Urgent Care instead of going to work. He is such a good little guy for the doctor (I like Urgent Care better because it isn't his crazy pediatrician). He is diagnosed with a sinus infection and given antibiotics. He sleeps most of the day.
And he takes his own temperature.
Saturday, November 20, 2010 Happy Birthday, Aunt Holly! And Happy 19 Months, Jackson Wayne! We are all looking forward to going to dinner and celebrating her 27th birthday tonight!
All seems normal. Jackson and I spend the morning playing together. We dance with Elmo:
We play Connect 4 (he is very good at putting the pieces in the board thing):
But come nap time, things take a bit of a turn for the worse. First sign, falling asleep prematurely on Bapa's lap:
Upon waking, Jackson starts throwing up mucus. He throws up no less than 5 times causing me 3 outfit changes. Despite this, we still make the trip to Olive Garden to eat with Holly. Jackson scarfs down some mac & cheese and garlic breadsticks. All good? Nope. Home. Bath. THROW EVERYTHING UP. EVERYTHING. EVERYWHERE. And then immediately to sleep. He sleeps in my room on this night - and not very well.
So not only have I been covered in puke more times than I'd like, my ankles and calves are so swollen I feel like I am walking on marshmallows, Inside Baby decides to drop, and the Braxton Hicks contractions will not leave me alone.
Like I said, Happy Birthday Aunt Holly!
Friday, November 19, 2010 Jackson goes to daycare. I go get some bloodwork done and then go to work. Upon picking Jackson up from daycare, Miss Brandy issues a warning: "I've sent two home today with a new virus - high fever and cough." Emma (her daughter) has been sent home from school with it, too. Great. I'll expect to get that one - we get everything else... That evening, Dad watches Myles and Jackson while we go play Bingo (for the second week in a row). Fun. Didn't win. While there, Jackson throws up some mucus - nothing too bad and he doesn't look sick when we get home. I assume it's residual milk crud.
Thursday, November 18, 2010 We have a well check appointment at Jackson's pediatrician's office today. Not a big deal - I'd like for her to check out the disappearing gunk in his eyes anyway. Turns out she's not concerned about that - sinus infection that is almost gone. Her recommendation: massage his tear ducts. He has grown 3/4", but hasn't gained any weight. This is what she is concerned about. Weight gain. Her recommendation: feed him food high in calories like ice cream. Really? Ice Cream? You want me to give my child sugar so he can get out of the 10th percentile? So I put a call for help out on FaceBook...alternatives...and most people mention whole milk. We don't give Jackson milk. He mainly drinks water. I have a bad feeling about milk. I was allergic to milk.
So I am telling my dad all of this over lunch and the restaurant owners get all excited and grab Jackson a small cup of chocolate milk. What a great first experience with milk right? Against my better judgment, I give Jackson the milk. Yum yum yum! He loves it! Slurps it right up! We come home. I put him down for a nap. 2 hours later...screaming. This isn't like him. He is a dutiful 3 hour napper and wakes up with laughter and happiness. So I go up and he has thrown up EVERYWHERE. This isn't sick throwup...this is allergic throw up. And yes, there is a difference. I immediately wondered who gave him eggs (same thing happens when he has eggs). Upon realizing we hadn't even seen a chicken today, I come to the hard conclusion that it was indeed the milk. Milk intolerance. So I hose him off and clean the mess. The stench is horrible - permeates my nostrils and continues to do so for the rest of the night. He isn't the same after that.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010 For once, I am feeling great! Jackson's gunky eyes are nearly gone. What a perfect day! AND I get a new haircut (Katie Hafele at Phoenix Salon in Evansville...she's BRILLIANT!)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010 Jackson's gunky eyes are getting better. A rather uneventful day. I like it!
Monday, November 15, 2010 Jackson wakes up with gunk in both eyes, but it doesn't continue to gunk. Upon arriving at daycare, Brandy informs me that she sent a child home last week with pink eye. She'll keep an eye on it and call me if it gunks up. When I picked him up, she says there has been no drainage and the other child didn't have pink eye, but a sinus infection.
Sunday, November 14, 2010 Jackson finally gets to come to church with me and play with Miss Judy again. He is pretty excited! My choir sings very well - I am extremely happy. I feel 100 times better. We go home to watch the Colts game. Inside Baby + Outside Baby = 1 Happy Mama All is well with the world!
Saturday, November 13, 2010 I get up very early to judge a piano competition in Kentucky. After hearing 34 pianists, I am exhausted (and still feel a bit poorly from the residual sinus infection cough). Luckily, Jackson has been playing with Nana all morning and is happy, too! When Jackson wakes up from his nap, his eye is a bit pink...
Friday, November 12, 2010 This morning I took Prilosec for the first time. An hour after I took it I had one Rolaid. And I have not had ANY heartburn since. I take one Prilosec every morning... and I can't stop talking about this miracle drug. Seriously. NO heartburn. I have gone from taking a Tum or Rolaid every 5 minutes to taking one little Prilosec pill with a glass of water first thing in the morning and NO heartburn. NONE. ZIP. This mama is impressed.
Even though it took an extra 15 minutes to accomplish, Jackson ate his entire tub of yogurt by himself with his own spoon. I was so proud of my utensil mastering cutie pie!
Jackson and Bapa spend the evening watching Thomas the Tank Engine while us girls had a night out at the Henderson Bingo parlor.
Even though I wasn't feeling incredibly hot, it was SO much fun, and the good news? I bingo-ed! It was a $200 jackpot, but I had to split it three ways. Still $67 was an awesome unexpected yet welcome surprise!
Thursday, November 11, 2010 What a horrible horrible day. There is no work or school because of Veteran's Day. So Mom and Myles are home. I feel miserable. I have two more days on this Z-Pack with no improvement thus far, have a cough that won't quit, and heartburn that won't leave me alone. I also have a Dr's appointment. How do I feel? Miserable. Dr Howell says he can fix me and for that I'm glad. He tells me to take Robitussin (for my cough) and Prilosec (for my heartburn) in addition to the Z-Pack that was prescribed on Monday and Tylenol for my sinus headache. I feel like I'm taking too much medicine, but figure I'm no good to anyone in the state I'm in. In addition, I start panicking about finances and raising two children and Christmas and whatever else a hormonal pregnant woman can find to freak out about. (Sorry...I ended that sentence with a preposition...) Luckily, I have supportive parents and a family after dinner dance makes me a bit happier.
Also, Holly made the mistake of leaving her frozen lemonade in reach of a frozen-lemonade-loving toddler. Hope you didn't want anymore of that, Aunt Holly!
And that pretty much brings you back to date. It seems that Jackson is constantly sick. But looking at the positive side, his little body is building up immunity which he needs to fight these niggly little cold and flu viruses for the rest of his life. Everyone warned me that daycare would be rough for the first few months, but I had no clue this is what they meant! In addition, this pregnant mama currently has a weak immune system, too... so whatever he gets, I am bound to get, too. This too shall pass.
Thanksgiving is in two short days. I am hoping Jackson is well enough to enjoy all the tasty food! There are lots of things for which to be thankful this year. And in the midst of food and football, I hope you take the time to remember yours and hug those that mean the world to you! I know I will!
It's been a while since I've last posted. Lots has happened. And there are lots of pictures to share. What I'll try to do on this post is put the day to day activities at the beginning and the whinging at the end. Because there is a lot of whinging. And not everybody likes whinging. So read as far as you want :)
Jackson is doing so well. He is such a sweet boy. He is clever and funny and well behaved. Of course, I could just be saying that because I'm his mother... but I will never know, and he just has the sweetest face and a smile to melt your heart.
Shortly after you and I spoke last, my church's "Santa Claus" brought Jackson a little red tricycle. He loves getting pushed around on it (he hasn't figured out the pedals just yet) and more than that he loves pushing it. Unfortunately, it is a bit too cold now to play outside so we'll play again come Spring.
Cousin Myles didn't get any bad notes at school so we were all treated to a trip to GattiTown on his behalf. Thanks Myles! Keep it up! One more week and we're off to Chuck E. Cheese!
The next day (Saturday 23rd), Holly, Myles, Jackson and I headed off to Mayse Farm to pick some pumpkins. We got to take a hayride to the pumpkin patch.
Once we got off the truck, we had about 20 minutes to comb the pumpkin patch to find the "perfect" pumpkin. Due to the drought here, it was very dry and VERY dusty. Jackson is not too fond of being dirty so he spent a lot of time showing me his hands and saying "ew".
Eventually, we all found our pumpkin soul mate and got back on the hay tractor. Here is Jackson's pumpkin...
And here is Myles' pumpkin! The child doesn't do anything in halves.
After we put the pumpkins in the car, we headed back out to the field where did a few more activies including a hay maze that was just Jackson's size. After realizing there was no escape, he made his way through the maze taking a rest at the end and giving himself a round of applause.
That night I started carving our pumpkins. It was then I realized that I LOVE carving pumpkins...and I'm not half bad! I ended up carving five pumpkins (having bought the fifth one for my mom's classroom at the local grocery store). Jackson's pumpkin and my pumpkin:
Myles' pumpkin:
Holly's pumpkin:
Mom's pumpkin:
Next, we started preparing for Halloween. Jackson's daycare was to have a Halloween party on Friday complete with costumes. Jackson's actual Halloween costume was a two man assembly job and I didn't want to do that to Brandy, so I bought him a simple spider costume.
Unfortunately, that's when it all fell apart. On Thursday, we went to Myles' school for his Halloween program and to eat lunch with him.
We came home, took a nap, and when Jackson woke up he was sick. He threw up and just felt awful. For the next five days, all he wanted to do was be held and sleep. So no daycare Halloween party.
It was so sad. He had a constant fever and on Saturday evening, we took Jackson to the Urgent Care where he was prescribed an antibiotic. His fever finally broke on Monday afternoon and he has been back to normal Jackson ever since!
I did, however, put him in his real Halloween costume on Halloween. I couldn't resist. We walked around the block once for him to "trick or treat"... and by that I mean me pushing the stroller to the door and Myles saying trick or treat and getting candy for himself and Jackson. Who is the cutest little Saint Bernard Puppy you have ever seen? (Jackson doesn't realize it's him...when we put him in front of the mirror, he kept pointing and saying "oosh" which is Jackson for "woof").
We also had some Trick-Or-Treaters at the house. Can you guess who these Halloweeners are?
Daddy celebrated his birthday on October 25. Since then, we (finally) set up Skype. Jackson LOVED the video call and we can't wait for the next one. He is officially booked to come over for a visit on Dec 2 (unfortunately, there is no visa yet so it is just a visit) and the 3 week countdown has begun until Daddy gets here. David suprised us both with random gifts in the mail (I LOVE random gifts). I got this beautiful bouquet of purple roses and baby's breath.
Shortly after, Jackson received a package as well. It was a customized Elmo book and CD. It is so neat! The book has his name in it and the CD has his name in the songs. This is currently the popular book... Elmo + Jackson? Good gift, Daddy!
There was another birthday celebration this week. Bapa celebrated his **th birthday (I posted his age on FaceBook and promptly got in trouble for it so only ** for you). We went out to eat and Jackson enjoyed his meal as well as painting the table cloth with ketchup. I think we need to break out the finger paints...
One of Jackson's friends at daycare had a birthday, too. The party favor included a customized tool belt. Jackson enjoys "fixing things" and playing Bob the Builder.
Another thing he enjoys? Thomas the Tank Engine. It has kind of become a ritual in the evenings. It comes on at 5:47pm. Bapa comes home from work, changes his clothes, turns on Thomas, and Jackson runs and sits in his lap and they watch together.
With three grandsons and their respective toys, the downstairs was getting a little "messy". So I promised Mom I'd take care of it, and take care of it I did. I made three toyboxes - one for Myles, one for Jackson and one for Inside Baby (the name is painted on the box, but I'm not telling what it is...just yet).
We found a whole bunch of "new" toys when I organized them into the toy boxes. Jackson found this shooty toy where you put the spear thing into the shooty thing and press this button to make the spear thing shoot out (all technical terms). Jackson learned how to operate the toy himself and laughs hysterically every time the thing shoots out. And that, of course, makes us laugh.
It has gotten cold here. Without realizing it, I bought Jackson and I the exact same jacket...his is blue, mine is purple. About 2 months seperated the purchases... I guess I really liked the jacket!
Speaking of outfits, I bought Jackson and Inside Baby matching outfits. I put Jackson in his last week (plus some new boots). The two boys will be so cute!
He has learned some new words... button pizza ketchup dye dye (bye bye) arm
He sings his version of "Itsy Bitsy Spider".
We are working on saying "Baby ***" (Inside Baby's name). Swear he said it yesterday, but it happened once and I will not call it a new word until I am sure he knows what it is. He does love on Mommy's belly where his Baby Brother is living - what a sweet little boy.
We are also working on "please", but it isn't consistent yet so I'm not calling it a word just quite yet.
And finally, Jackson is officially a US Citizen! He got his papers in the mail earlier this week. A dual American/Australian Citizen...he is one lucky little boy!
And now to Inside Baby. I had an ultrasound two weeks ago to see why I was so large. Apparently, I am having a "bigger baby". I thought "Awesome! 11...12 lbs... we're going to be on the news!" and then they said "8 lbs maybe?". I was like 8lbs? Since when is an 8lb baby considered "bigger"? So whatever. He's healthy. I'm uncomfortable. He'll either be here on the 15th Dec or earlier if he so chooses. But we did get some good pictures. I think he looks just like Jackson. We could even see hair!
And my 34 week belly picture:
And thus ends the niceties portion of this blog... on to the realities of being pregnant and the whinge section.
Not only did Jackson get sick on Thursday night, but I woke up on Friday having contractions. And they continued through the morning and afternoon. I finally called the doctor about 3:00 and they had me come in to Triage. I was there for 3 hours. They monitored my contractions, checked me to see if I was dialating, and ran some tests to determine if I was to go into active labor within the next two weeks. All good news - only dialated a half a centimeter and holding, the test came back saying I would not go into active labor within the next two weeks, and my contractions were not extremely consistent (6 min, 15 min, 7 min...) so they sent me home with a diagnosis of Braxton Hicks. They told me that I would probably have them up until the baby was born and there was nothing I could do about it. So since then I have put up with spontaneous contractions.
THEN I got sick...Jackson gave me the flu... and THEN that turned into a sinus infection. Which I still currently have and for which I am on antibiotics. Along with the sinus infection came an annoying dry tickley cough that I just can't seem to shake.
So for two weeks, we have been sick here and I am so far behind I am not sure if I'll ever get caught up.
In addition, I am experiencing the normal end-of-pregnancy nuances. Somedays I am not sure I can make it 5 more weeks. I have reflux more than what I did with Jackson. It is constant and horrible. I eat rolaids and tums like they're candy. My boobs HURT. My back HURTS. I have Restless Legs Syndrome. I can still breath okay most of the time, but inside baby likes to see how far my rib cage can stretch. There are times I think my ribs are going to crack. My fingers are swollen, my ankles are swollen. I am pretty sure this pregnancy is sponsered by the letter "P" because that is all I seem to be doing. I pee when I cough (which lately is all the freaking time); I pee when I sneeze; I pee when I laugh; and then if that isn't enough, I have to pee every hour anyway. I waddle. Jackson sits on my lap and slides off. I can barely pick the little man up anymore. I get out of breath walking up the stairs. I am just plain exhausted. And that's just the physical complaints.
I am SO hormonal. I can go from extremely angry and snappy to happy and fun to weepy and sad within 30 minutes. But mostly I cry. I cry at EVERYTHING. It doesn't take much to make me sob. I cry during "A Baby Story" every time. Yesterday I cried during "I'm Pregnant...and Addicted". I cried at this:
And every time this comes on the TV I cry at this:
I cried during the Veteran's Service. I cried during the Memorial Service at church (I didn't know ANY of the people being honored...FYI). I cry if I hear a pretty song. I cry when I see how sweet my nephew is with Jackson. I cry when Jackson does something. And I purposefully leave the sentence saying "something" because it could be anything really. I cry when I hear of friends struggles. Or successes. I also try and put the toaster in the freezer on a regular basis. And that makes me feel crazy. And I cry at the shear overwhelming feeling of it all. I cry. At everything. But I try to hold it in. And that makes me cry.
Honestly, I am over being pregnant. I don't know if I am ready to have a newborn yet though either. I am worried that Jackson is going to feel brushed aside. I am worried that I won't be able to take care of two little ones and give each one the 100% they deserve. I am worried about what happens when one gets sick and one needs to nurse and I only have two arms and have a sinus infection that is making me feel like my head is going to burst open while my husband is in Australia, my mom is busy at work on her master's degree and at school and my dad is in tax season. And see...now I am crying. I cry. At everything.
But I wouldn't change a thing. I love being a mother. And I love my family.
